Opinion: Would You Rather Drown in Puh or in Boob?

Written by Ayne Park

Hope and I live across the street from 801. Which is super convenient because whenever they throw we can literally just pregame and walk across the street. If there is a bathroom line, we can go home and come back. Once, Hope wanted a beer so she went to our place, grabbed a ice cold beer from the fridge (she is such a beergirl) and then skipped back and joined us. We enjoy that when we are at 801, we can see Hope’s bedroom light like a north star, guiding us home.

Unfortunately, that also means that Hope witnesses everything. When they pee off the side of the porch into what they think is the abyss, we see it. When they chatter all night long, thinking that no one can hear them, nope! Hope can. A couple weeks ago, Hope was trying desperately to fall asleep. However, this is when the seniors who live there decided to have the most enlightened conversation of all time. 

Inspiring this newspaper's first opinions column, we present the age-old question: Would you rather drown in boob or drown in puh? We are very good reporters, so we decided to poll the dx groupchat to see what other members of the fraternity thought. We can affirmatively say that drown in puh won, but we will present some interesting quotes from members of the fraternity themselves.

Someone who will remain unnamed told us about how he voted in the groupme poll. At first he said that he voted for boob, but then upon seeing everyone else vote for puh, he quickly changed his vote to puh. We reminded him that the poll was anonymous, and that no one would know that he was swimming against the crowd. We also told him that he shouldn’t be a sheep, and stay strong with his opinions. In the end, he changed his vote back to boob. When I asked him why, he very eloquently explained “boobs are just meant to get sucked”. Ok? That didn’t really make sense to me, but if that is his reasoning, so be it. 

On the other hand, we have another member of the fraternity, who was definitively a puh supporter. “It just is the complete experience” he said, in defense of his answer. It is interesting to think that many of the women we surveyed were boob supporters while the men were puh supporters. Many women came to the consensus that boob is just “so much more sanitary” and that they were worried about the cleanliness of what drowning in puh would be like. Given all of these amazing opinions I have written out, the question now goes to you, dear reader. Drown in boob or drown in puh?